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Monday, August 29, 2011

Sleepless Night

The time shows 3.15am in the morning, and I am here alone in this room. There is something bother my mind recently, it's very complicated and I somehow could not take it no more. Major issue is my relationship, respect from my family, and God. It is very personal to me to say it out here, but whoever who know the story; I really hope it ends well and peacefully. Some say, I am in the age of settle down and should step into the world of commitment. First of all, I am very sorry for all the memories that I have ruined and I wish I have a better vision of what my future going to be. I don't want to end crying every hour and depressed with all that fall onto me. I am sick of emotional abuse.

In life, we have different of stories, several of experience and similar understanding of how to survive. However, every people have diverse of dreams and vision. I believe that everything happen for a reason. Like my stories from the past, I never thought that my beloved dad will leave me like this, leaving me alone and I realized that up to today I still can’t accept it although I promise to strong about this. People who understand me, they feel about it, people who don’t, they will say that I seek sympathy only. Take my words; you will never be yourself today if not because of your parent. My father is still young when he left us, I just learn to be an adult, manage to get a dream apartment, get my car license and then he left us without any message. You know like someone who can’t swim lose his life jacket?

To stay alive, the person only has two options, to keep floating or die. Along the way, while you struggle to swim, there will be more obstacles coming like strong waves, rocks, jellyfish or good thing like an island to keep you rest for a while. When u get into the island, u jump into happiness and you feel that might the last destination and you may live happily ever after. Unfortunately, the island unable to supply you car to move around, and other critical equipment that you really need and you start missing home again. In my case, I choose to leave the island and hope brighter future at home. However, all who waiting me at home expect me to bring the island together. When I refuse to, it’s me who being selfish. Island people always back me up, but no one from my home is happy with me. How I wish I could seek forgiveness and live normally again.

In time like this, only one person who I can talk to, understand what I feel and consider what to do, but he is not here anymore, impossible for me to get his help or seek therapy from him. Dady, kalaulah daddy masih hidup, mesti daddy tidak kasi biar sya begini. Apa pun dosa sya sma daddy dulu, tolonglah kasi maaf sya, sya mau hidup macam daddy masih hidup. Sya harap dpt jumpa daddy cepat. Sya sayang daddy..............sya rindu...........

I will stay strong.. Hopefully..

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are stronger than you knew, sunshine. And somehow you've inspired others to live strong throughout their life. I surely cant replaced the empty part in your heart, but i know i can make you feel loved again.

Because i love you, more than you know.

(Friend)

Anonymous said...

Just be strong..thats how life is..

And dont be the 3th person to ruin someone's relationship :)

Girllyen Marcie said...

Anonymous 1 and 2..thank u for your comfort.. *hugs*

Merl•Revlis said...

dui gia.


itu saja comment saya.


ndak ba girl...ahahah. "dont be a heavy thinker", nah. tu nasihat ko yg baru2, and i'm very thankfull for that.

u used to cry for me when i'm down. i used to told u everything ever since our 1st outing, or 2nd or 3rd... well, almost everytime. what makes me feel worst is, u always cheers me up, but i've never think i'd ever be able to do the same to you. i'm not good in giving advice, not good in comforting, not even good in understanding. heck i even think we were the one who drag you down or hold you up from your dreams.

dont be too hard for urself, cos if u cant make it, imagine la mcm mana saya nanti. hahahah

TaQuiLa said...

i don't know u well, but as a blogger-friend i hope that u'll be strong to face each new days.

Common, somehow all things happened around us are actually spicing up our lives, right?

Hope everything will be okay..

*hugsssssssssss*

P'Jal said...

I know you'll be fine.. :-) no worries lah..

Girllyen Marcie said...

Merl.. ok! Hep! Semangat terus sya.. so? Kita mau pigi memancing ka nanti tu? MAIGAD. Sya stress kalau tunggu ikan yang tidak timbul.

Taquila..uiseh.. sadap tu nama.. heee... m ok now.. sometime mimang la tu kan.. thank u for comforting though.. God bless..

P'jal.. ah ko tu.. siapa bilang i will not.. :p ampun..